I had such a duck that lived in the newsroom when I was editor. He was our mascot. His name was Clusterduck, obviously named in honor of the hedge fund that tortured us.
(Autocorrect almost made this a different story, when I noticed I’d typed in “suck” instead of “such” and autocorrect suggested “I had to suck a duck that lived in the newsroom….” To be fair, it sounds like a job duty GateHouse would have made me do if they’d thought of it.)
I loved reading this, it really answered a lot of questions I had about what happens after your win a giant toy at a fairground. Thank you for sharing your moment. I heard it's lonely at the top but you invited us readers to share the experience!
That is not a duck. That is clearly a small human in a duck suit. The legs give it away. Time to tell your children and puppy they have a new sibling who will be sharing a bed with one of them.
I have to add, having recently visited a theme park myself with a gaggle of children, we had quite the kerfuffle ourselves at the game booth. My three year old witnessed a teenage boy capture the only “30 lb” fish (out of 50) which won him a huge stuffed animal. This occurred immediately before her turn at the plate. Imagine the scene when my kid snagged a 10 pounder and was told to grab a participation trophy out of the grubby front bin selection. Not good. Yay theme parks!!
LOL. This is the best cautionary tale I've ever read. I love the part about the rear view mirror. The picture had me laughing. And as a guy with anxiety in big groups, I will make sure never to win that duck, although he looks like a fine fellow. Thank you for sharing, Andrew. Haha.
I was completely fine with this until – and I don’t want to duck-shame here – I saw its elephantine legs.
Totally understandable. Nothing can really prepare you for the legs.
All the previous comments about the duck’s legs still did not prepare me for the actual image of the duck legs.
Haha!
"Before I won the giant duck, I was just an average man." And thus begins the first chapter of your memoir.
💜
When I read humorous pieces, I may grin or even chuckle a little, but this made me burst out into uncontrollable out-loud laughter!!! 🤣🤣
Thanks for the hilarity!
Thanks for reading!
This is fantastic.
I had such a duck that lived in the newsroom when I was editor. He was our mascot. His name was Clusterduck, obviously named in honor of the hedge fund that tortured us.
(Autocorrect almost made this a different story, when I noticed I’d typed in “suck” instead of “such” and autocorrect suggested “I had to suck a duck that lived in the newsroom….” To be fair, it sounds like a job duty GateHouse would have made me do if they’d thought of it.)
Haha, that definitely would’ve been an unexpected twist.
I loved reading this, it really answered a lot of questions I had about what happens after your win a giant toy at a fairground. Thank you for sharing your moment. I heard it's lonely at the top but you invited us readers to share the experience!
Thank you. I aim to serve.
This is delightful, thank you!!
I’m kinda really liking the idea of putting the duck outside the bedroom door. I mean that’s reasonably evil surely?
I was honestly just like, this is the only place it fits. Didn’t think it through fully.
To be fair, if I stumbled on that half-asleep in the middle of the night I’d freak out too 🤣
That is not a duck. That is clearly a small human in a duck suit. The legs give it away. Time to tell your children and puppy they have a new sibling who will be sharing a bed with one of them.
I fear that you are correct
I enjoy all your essays, Andrew, but I think this is my favorite (so far). Hilarious. “That’s a classic one bird, two stones situation”: Bravo!
Thanks, Chris! Much appreciated. I’m going to go tell the duck all about this now.
Please give him my regards
WHY ARE THE LEGS LIKE THAT!? Also you are a saint for carrying this gigantic thing around all day.
It was the honor of a lifetime.
Really, really funny - nice one. The duck is terrifying. Like, I could outrun it if it had normal duck legs, but those? Nah, he'd take me down.
Thanks! Yeah, he’s so much faster than he looks.
Hahahaha what the duck happened here?!
Autocorrect finally having its moment to shine with this one!
I have to add, having recently visited a theme park myself with a gaggle of children, we had quite the kerfuffle ourselves at the game booth. My three year old witnessed a teenage boy capture the only “30 lb” fish (out of 50) which won him a huge stuffed animal. This occurred immediately before her turn at the plate. Imagine the scene when my kid snagged a 10 pounder and was told to grab a participation trophy out of the grubby front bin selection. Not good. Yay theme parks!!
Oh no, worst case scenario!
LOL. This is the best cautionary tale I've ever read. I love the part about the rear view mirror. The picture had me laughing. And as a guy with anxiety in big groups, I will make sure never to win that duck, although he looks like a fine fellow. Thank you for sharing, Andrew. Haha.
Thanks, glad you enjoyed it!
Spooky.
LOL your theme park fame came out of nowhere like Pedro Pascal fame. 😂
The perfect analogy, thank you 😂